Tralfamadore Zoo

Everybody loves a trip to the zoo to look at and learn about exotic and unusual creatures. But until now, zoos have been limited to animals of one planet, and one geological era.

The Tralfamadore Zoo is a game-changer in zoological exhibits. The industrious Tralfamadorian species has mastered travel not only through space, but through time, and so have brought together on their home planet an assortment of nearly every known animal species in the universe, ever.

Don'y worry about having enough time to visit this vast menagerie. As your guide will explain, you have always visited it, are visiting it now, and will always visit it. Tralfamadorians experience all of time at once, and not as a sequence so concepts like duration are unknown to them.

Your tour guide may take some getting used to. Tralfamadorians resemble a toilet plunger with a hand-like appendage on the top. Their eye is set in the “palm” of this appendage. This alien species communicates mostly through telepathy, but has been able to mimic speech electronically, so it is essential for the zoo visitor to pay the extra fee for the recorded tour.

High fives are a mortal insult.

One of the most popular exhibits at the zoo is the Earth human habitat. It is set up to resemble a 1950s middle class home, with furniture from a catalog warehouse. Visitors from Earth will be surprised to find that the female in the exhibit is missing porn actress Montana Wildhack. The male in the habitat is introduced as an optometrist named Billy Pilgrim. Despite being essentially imprisoned, these two seem happy together and have a seemingly healthy domestic life.

If you have any traveler’s tales from Tralfamadore or its zoo, feel free to leave a comment.