Mos Eisley Cantina

Visitors to the spaceport of Mos Eisley, on the planet Tatooine, are strongly advised to stay indoors. For those of those with an adventurous spirit and a good weapon, we recommend a visit to the Mos Eisley cantina. This rugged drinking establishment is the town’s source of nightlife, but be cautioned that you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Shootings and dismemberments are a frequent occurrence here. The regulars don’t seem to notice them. Should you go in for a drink, be prepared for anything. Also remember to live by the motto of the desperado: “I didn’t see nothing.”

Honest, officer, he was like that when he came in

The cantina features a huge selection of beverages and other substances to intoxicate the patrons. These drinks come in many bright colors, and some glow while others emit heavy fumes. Because of the wide variety of species served, and their many alien metabolisms, visitors should be very careful when ordering, so as not to inadvertently poison themselves.

The house band specializes is Dixieland jazz. By “specialize” we mean that they know only one tune, and it happens to be Dixieland. It’s instantly catchy, but has the downside of all catchy tunes.

Now it's in your head, too

Seriously, just stay home. Unless your life is already on the line, it’s not worth it.